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Have you ever been in a relationship and had feelings of jealousy?

Maybe those feelings led to the belief that you couldn’t trust a person (even though there was no real proof of their wrong doing, except for a third party gossiper)?

Sometimes we all act a little crazy sometimes. It may be imagined, or we may have proof of wrong doing …

Regardless, we are all human and will most likely have these feelings at some point in our lives – especially if we have already had them before.

When you are hurt in the past, we sometimes allow those fears created by a past experience to influence how we think and feel today … Even with people that had nothing to do with that past experience. And it is in these times that we really need to take inventory of ourselves and work on not only overcoming these negative emotions, but to work through them and get to the root of the issue!

How to Recognize Jealousy & Overcome It

WHAT IS JEALOUSY?

(FEAR OF ANTICIPATED LOSS)

Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.

WHAT IS ENVY?

(COVETING & WISHING HARM TO ANOTHER)

Envy (from Latin invidia) is an emotion which “occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it”.

As you can see, jealousy differs from envy. Either emotion can pull you down, and even break down a relationship with someone (intimate or just a friend).

When can feelings of jealousy occur?

Jealousy can occur in a multitude of situations, but is normally seen:

• when a person feels that a relationship that is of importance is threatened by someone else outside of the relationship
• in the workplace
• education (in class, amongst peers or even mentors)

Rather than letting jealousy infect your relationship with others, use its appearance in your life as a reason to work on yourself and to understand the fears that drive it.

REMEMBER:  This is a feeling that is about you, not the other person. Even if the other person is doing what you fear … Your feeling is about you! This is a feeling that can do all harm and no good, so regardless of whether you are entitled to this emotion because your fear (false evidence appearing real) has weight and may have some truth to it … Jealousy is a feeling to release and not allow to darken your doorstep.

How Do I Recognize Jealousy?

There are many ways to recognize jealousy when it pops up in your life uninvited.

Jealousy is a combination of fear (fear of losing someone like a friend or spouse, or something like a current state of affairs) and anger.

Physical Feelings

Take note of which part of your body is affected:

– fear is often a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach

– anger often manifests as a burning, tight sensation in your jaw and shoulders

When you notice this, start changing your beliefs and thoughts!

Now, these feelings may be caused by other things going on, but can help you recognize you’re having these feelings.

When you recognize you have the feeling of jealousy, then you can begin to deconstruct it!

Jealousy is a destructive emotion — and nothing good can come of it. Often it is about reliving an experience of failure from the past that continues to inform your level of trust (or lack thereof) toward people in the present, even though current conditions may be vastly different.

If you’re honest with yourself, you will realize that feeling jealous often rears its head at the same time you feel threatened, afraid of being abandoned or when you feel you just cannot trust the other person, no matter how little basis your lack of trust has.

Other motivators: insecurity, anger toward self, fear of abandonment or vulnerability

See How Others See It

Jealous behavior has an effect on the people around you, and not always the person who is the recipient of said feelings. It can have a ripple effect.

People who feel squeezed by a jealous friend or lover will generally feel scrutinized and defensive – this is natural. Defensiveness is a natural response to people under pressure and feel the need to justify their actions, thoughts, and whereabouts at all times. Being constantly questioned, badgered, and undermined? Wouldn’t you feel the need to be defensive?

How To Stop Being Jealous

1. Tackle Your Feelings Sooner Rather Than Later

   Question your jealousy every time it emerges. Say to yourself: “Is this jealousy because I feel afraid or angry? Why am I feeling fear or anger here? Is there any real proof that validates these feelings?”

   When you begin to question what makes you jealous in the moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage your feelings constructively and without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy.

   Some questions to ask yourself include:

   “Why am I jealous over this?”
   “What is making me jealous?”
   “What am I trying to keep?”
   “Why do I feel threatened?”

   Thoughts lead to feelings. Feelings lead to actions. Actions lead to results.

   When you begin to have or express feelings of jealousy, change any false beliefs that may be fueling said jealousy (which is often false, irrational and baseless). If you change your belief (or your thoughts), you change the way you feel.

   Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. If you think it’s better to think negatively about a person or situation, then ask yourself what possible benefit that line of thinking brings you over thinking more healthily.

   Thoughts create emotions and you have the choice to make the thoughts negative or positive.

   When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger and the fear easier to manage, removing the fuel for the jealous feelings.

   Developing greater awareness of your thoughts and what triggers them is a large part of tackling the problem.

2. Be Honest and Communicate

   Sometimes we can feel embarrassed by our feelings … Perhaps shameful that we even have them in the first place.

   Hiding your feelings will only cause more issues, sometimes manifesting in health issues!

   It may be scary, but you need to honestly communicate your feelings with the person (or people) with whom your feelings of jealousy came about in order to work through the issue and repair any damage that may have been caused.

   When communicating, be sure to start the discussion in a safe environment.
   Avoid placing blame (you are responsible for you own feelings).
   Stick to “I” statements. [E.g.:  “I felt this way when _.”]
   Be compassionate.
   Agree to come back to this safe place if the feelings happen again.

3. Apologize

   If you’ve gone too far on the side of crazy jealous, you need to apologize to the person who was the brunt of this.

   Realize that by not apologizing, you are in actual effect seeking to punish the other person for your feelings. The act of apologizing in itself shouldn’t be lengthy or complicated––the fact that you do apologize will help begin to break the cycle.

4. Get Stress Relief

   When under stress, it is common to feel overwhelmed, anxious and insecure.

   Stress can fuel jealousy and make your thoughts, feelings, actions more intense.

   You can use exercise, meditation, adequate sleep, healthy nutrition, among many other ways to eliminate or alleviate the stress in your life.

5. Learn from Others

   When you feel that fear creep in of losing something to someone who has more knowledge, know how, or skill than you feel that you do … Instead of feeling jealous, try to learn from them!

   Use this an as opportunity to hone your own skills, improve yourself, and even learn something new (it’s good for your brain)!

6. Learn From Yourself

   Learn to love yourself. Trust begins at home with yourself! When you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others

   Jealousy is often driven by lack of self respect. How you you trust and respect others if you don’t trust or respect yourself?

   Take inventory of your positive traits, accomplishments, and actions. If for whatever reason you find this task difficult, ask your friends what they value in their friendship with you.

   Put the list somewhere you can see it regularly to remind yourself that you were equipped with great skills, talent, and features.

   Don’t compare yourself to others. We are all born with our own unique talents and abilities. By comparing yourself to someone else, you are comparing your person and your life to someone else who has lived different experiences than you and who has done things that you have not yet accomplished!

   Only compare yourself to yourself. You want more out of life? What are you doing to get it? Are you a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday? If not, what can you do to change that and improve you?

   Remind yourself daily through a journal, affirmations or other effective way that you have what it takes, like the song goes, to be fulfilled in life.

   Practicing healthy thinking must be a daily, recurring action––that’s why it involves constant practice. In time, the healthier thinking processes will take over the destructive ones and help you to become a whole person, resilient, capable and not prone to jealous thoughts.

   Work on aspects that you have that you lack self esteem in. The more confidence you have in yourself, the less likely you are to feel jealous.

If you’re interested in more information, be sure to check out the following links:

• How to Control Feelings of Jealousy
• Handle Jealousy
• How to Stop Jealousy in A Relationship
• How to Get Over Jealousy Issues
• Overcome and Abandon Jealousy
• Overcome Jealousy
• Stop Being Jealous

And one more big shout out to my friends and business partners! This post was inspired today by The Super Women Connection when they provided this post that includes an audio on the discussion as well as a reminder to FIND YOUR HAPPY PLACE (thank you Alecia) !