Coming Full Circle [Karma]

2014-11-23 By Kassandra Leave a Comment

So something completely unexpected happened yesterday.

I was attending the memorial of a friend of mine, and it really touched my heart knowing that he had touched so many lives … It was very (for lack of a better term) interesting to see so many faces from high school attending the service … And it was very somber knowing that it took something so tragic to bring us all back together.

What was unexpected was that my very first love, my first heartbreak was there. It shouldn’t have been surprising, and the fact that he was there wasn’t truly that surprising … It was just the fact that he was the first person to greet me, and hug me …

It’s been over 10 years since I saw him last, and even longer since we’d spoken. Not for lack of trying on my part, but for whatever reason he wanted nothing to do with me.

But you don’t need to know all of our history, and it’s not really something I need to share. It’s just that with our history, I was shocked that this place, out of all times and locations that we would have met, would be at my friend’s memorial.

It felt like everything just came full circle.

… Let me explain …

As I said – he was my fist love. My first heartbreak.

And only a few people have known this until now … But when he and I broke up, I hurt so bad that it was the only time in my life that I have ever truly considered suicide. Yes, I was young and hormones probably were a big part of those feelings … But I still felt it.

For several hours after that conversation, I thought about how hurt I was. How my body ached and how much pain I was in. What I could do to make it stop … What I could do to not hurt …

But in the end, I knew it wasn’t the answer. I knew then, as I know now, that there was a reason I was still alive. If I had fulfilled my purpose on this earth, then I would be taken.

I had begun thinking about those I would leave behind – what it would do to them.

I began thinking and reminding myself that I had an entire future ahead of me … And that I couldn’t let my emotions about him allow me to ruin the blessings that the future held for me …

And I made the decision to work through it. And deal. And grow.

So when I heard what had happened to my friend, that he took his own life because of PTSD … I feel like it hit me a little closer to home.

And to see the one person I have ever had cause those kinds of thoughts for myself … was … just … weird. I don’t know what word to use other than that.

And it turns out that over the last 10+ years, my ex had gone through his own personal development and realized some things about what had happened that he wanted to talk about. The biggest part being that, as he said, I didn’t deserve what had happened back then and if I could find it in my heart to fogive him that he would like to be friends.

There was a lot more to our conversation than that, but the rest doesn’t matter for what I am trying to tell you… Which are the lessons I was able to take away from the interactions I had with him yesterday.

And here’s what I learned (or was reminded of):

Sometimes things just happen. It’s not always your fault, especially when others are involved.
Rather than beat yourself up over why someone acts or has acted the way that they have, try to think about what YOU may have done to cause it. What YOU could have done to make it better and what you can take away to use in the future. Work on yourself to be and do better, not just for the person you may have hurt, but for the people you will meet in the future. (And most importantly for yourself.)
Don’t allow your emotions to rule your life for any length of time. It can steal moments away from you or keep you shackled to the past.
FORGIVE! Sometimes the things that happen to people are due to miscommunication, pride, misunderstandings, and even just because you are too inexperienced in life to know a better way to deal with things.
STOP having conversations in your head about what you would say/do when you next saw someone. What they would say in response. First of all, you can never plan how things will go when it involves others. Second, if you continue to do this you will LIVE in that moment. “What you focus on expands.”

I guess that’s about it. I was just struck how some things can come full circle, as it were…

I don’t know what will happen from here on out. But I am really grateful that he had the courage to talk to me about it. To apologize and ask for my forgiveness.

He was a wonderful person when I knew him, and from the little bit of time I spent with him yesterday he still seems like a wonderful person. We may never be close, and that’s ok. I’m honestly just truly glad to have my friend back.

9 Lessons From Study Abroad in Italy

2014-11-18 By Kassandra Leave a Comment

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I have been so very blessed in my life to have been able to travel as I have. Everyone needs to travel – and not just within their own country! Sure, there’s so much here on my own homeland that I need to see and experience before I die … But there are things you learn when you travel abroad that you really can’t learn at home — especially in the United States (sadly).

I believe I first got the travel bug the summer between my junior and senior year of college. It was a requirement of my Italian minor that we travel to Italy and study the language for 5 weeks.

And it. Was. Glorious!

I’ve since joined this really cool club that not only allowed me to take 15 vacations from 2010 to 2014 [with a few being out of the country — and many more to come!], but I’ve also been introduced to a new world of people and a transformational way of thinking.

Through my travelling, I’ve learned so much about myself, other societies, other cultures and religions … I may not be able to go into all of it at this time, but I felt that these lessons have made the biggest impact on me:

1. Enjoy The Time You’re There

At the time I was in Italy, for the most part I enjoyed what I was doing, but I had a significant other back home that I missed very much … And unfortunately it was a major focus when I wasn’t doing anything (sightseeing, going to museums, etc). It was a cause of stress and duress that cut into the time I spent there.

The reason I wish to stress this is because in this day and age, with the way the world is … you never know when you’ll get the chance to go back. You don’t know if the wondrous works of art and architecture will be there in a few years.

It could all be gone in a moment … Or you might not have that “next time” to look forward to.

So wherever you are, IMMERSE yourself! Soak it all in. Let it permeate your entire being so that when you think back on it, you can physically see, smell, hear, feel everything you experienced.

2. Be Wary of Oddly Dressed People (Or Just Expect to Tip)

So … funny story. While I was in Rome, I saw this guy dressed up as a Roman centurian near one of the ruins. I took a photo of him cause I thought he was cool … He then proceeded to stalk me and follow me around, telling me I owed him $5. — It was kind of scary!

I finally gave him the $5 (euro – so it was more in US dollar) so he would leave me alone, and then he got all, “Oh you American! You so pretty. You have un boyfriend?”

That guy truly had no people skills …

But the gist of it is this … When you see someone dressed up like that, or living statues, or whatever the case may be … Keep in mind they are not just there for your enjoyment (usually). While the $5 photo requirement was RIDICULOUS, at least tip those people. And if you’re like these guys, tip a LOT!

This was a human statue … Completely painted and scared a couple people when he finally did move! Absolutely loved this guy ….

A little dark, but this guy was phenomenal as well. That tie that looks like he’s running or it’s really windy? Nope. He got that thing to look like that and stood in that position. Living statues, dude …

3. Know Enough of the Language to Get Around

I think this one speaks for itself. (haha)

Most countries have English as a main language so this isn’t usually an issue, but the people generally appreciate it when you take the time and effort to try to learn their native speech.

4. Purchase the “Let’s Go (insert country here)”

This book was absolutely incredible for me while I was abroad! Our Italian professoressa told us to purchase it and I’m glad I did! It had all of this and so much more:

maps
key phrases in the language of the land
tour information (like a tour around the volcanoes, etc)
places to eat or shop
places the locals go (that visitors might not know about)
price range on places

So whenever you’re going to another country, I would highly invest in purchasing this book before you go so you can do some research and really take advantage of the things available to you. If you do so, you can maximize your time there.

5. Don’t Just Take Photos – Drink in the Experience

I took over 1,000 photos while I was in Italy. And while photos can help to trigger memories, don’t be lost in taking those photos so much that you’re not actually experiencing the things you’re doing.

6. Take Advantage of Everything That Interests You

This would seem like a no brainer, but here’s why I put this here.

When I was in Italy for 5 weeks, it was with my Italian class (or at least some of my classmates). And the 2 main reasons we were there was to immerse ourselves in the language and learn more about the culture … But every time I hung out with the rest of my classmates, I felt like my voice was never heard. They rarely spoke Italian except when our professor was around and it seemed like all they wanted to do was shop, party, or go to the beach.

So I went off by myself — and I’m so glad I did! While I did miss out on hanging out at a few beaches, I got to see things other people didn’t.

I was at the Heineken Festival when the freak storm blew through …

I was a patron at some little bitty place that was showing the history of serial killers … (creepy and fascinating, let me tell you)

I got to spend more time with our professor and meet her friends, ride on a Vespa, and so much more.

And this lesson really can be applied to anything, not just when you’re travelling.

7. Meet New People (Make Pen-Pals)

It’s wonderful having friends all over the world! My lifestyle & vacation club taught me that. Unfortunately, I wasn’t introduced to my club until a few years after my trip to Italy … but it still holds true.

When you have friends in other countries, you not only have friends … but they’re in another country! Someone you can call on when you’re “in town” or can try to meet up with if you’re kind of near the area and can take the train or whatever.

And it’s always good to simply have someone to bounce ideas off of, find out what’s going on in their country, etc.

8. Spend Time With People You Like – Otherwise Go It Alone!

Just like in #6, this applies to everyday living. Not everyone will want to do what you want to do. But don’t stop yourself from living your life in such a way that reflects who you are just because the people around you don’t want to.

And DEFINITELY don’t hang around people you don’t like or who will bring you down.

Life’s way too short and there’s so much out there for you not to enjoy it.